Hope

I wanted to quit running today, and I mean give up the sport entirely. I don't believe I have ever had such a ridiculously hard run. It was only a half marathon, but felt like a full.

I know started a little too fast, but I felt good so I thought I would try to maintain it. As the mile markers seemed to be farther and farther apart, I was rethinking my strategy, which up to this point was run hard for as long as I can. My body was screaming for me to stop by mile 10. I looked at my watch and I was still running 9's, but I knew I was slowing. I stopped to walk, something I NEVER do, not even when I ran the marathon. I ran slower and slower, taking more and more walk breaks. Soon people were passing me, people I had passed a while back had caught me, and seemed to effortlessly fly by, and the wierd thing was I didn't care. Usually that would push me to run harder, to try and catch them, or at least not let anyone else by. This time I hardly noticed them. I just wanted to cry, by body hurt so bad. Then I wanted to stop. Just stop running and sit down and wait for someone to take me home.

How did I get myself into this? How can I get out of this? I just had a baby, what the heck am I doing out here? I should be home, I want to be home!

As I rounded the corner for the final sprint to the finish line, I was so relieved. I made it. I didn't think I would. And there were my children, and my athletic spectator of a husband, waiting for me, cheering for me.

I know it was just a bad run. People have them. And while I wanted to quit SO BAD, I was so happy I didn't. I can't wait to tell my littlest baby how I ran 13.1 miles when she was 3 months old. Hopefully all my children will look at me when life is hard, and say, If you can do it, then I know I can too. I hope.

Oh, and I ran a 2:11.